Boundaries

Recently, Barb and I agreed to take in a foster dog. This poor guy was left after his owner suddenly died. So, I came home from being gone for a week to find ‘Blackie’ living at our home. He is 58 pounds, 2 years old and a combination of lab and pit bull. He is super strong. Over the first two days, he broke through 6-8 bungee cords on our gates, ran away twice, destroyed two screen doors and almost took Barb’s arm off as she tried to walk him. He obviously has had minimal direction and guidance. After visiting the vet for a check-up and medications, shopping at the pet store for special food and a bed, repairing the screens and a one hour training session with a certified dog-trainer; he is ready to be adopted. (Know anyone?)

That got me to thinking about many of the convicted criminals in prison. You could say the same thing about some of them. Many did not have the benefit of having parents to teach them right from wrong, delayed gratification, sharing, values, etc. Some might commit crimes to meet their immediate needs without understanding the consequences of their behaviors. If you were never taught, you just don’t know.

The common theme here seems to be teaching boundaries.

Cesar Milan (the dog whisperer) once wrote: “Dogs cannot be peaceful or teachable if they have no limits set to their freedom and their emotions. They are actually happier and at rest when they live within very clear limits and boundaries…”

In my bible study class this year, we are studying Romans. It is actually the study of a long letter from Paul to the Romans in the New Testament and in my own way can be summarized as Paul trying to teach the Romans that salvation is offered through the belief in Jesus Christ. In my group, there are about 16 men. Many are what I would consider to be conservative Christians. When they read the epistle from Paul they clearly focus on the laws that God commanded. I think of these as God’s boundaries for us.

The other half in my class (me included) listen to Paul talk about the importance of loving others. That we were commanded to love others as much as we love ourselves. And as my pastor reminds us each week, there is nothing more important than that.

So which one is right? Laws (Boundaries) or Love (Caring)?

As a leader, I realized that both were necessary. Rules, policies, procedures and processes kept all of us going in the same direction and staying on the highway. But unconditional love and caring for our staff allowed the workplace to be a safe haven, a place to be supported and a place to thrive.

I worked for leaders that were all about rules and discipline. And I worked for leaders that just wanted to be liked.

In my experience, the most effective ones were the ones that set boundaries, set vision and then encouraged and inspired people to reach for their personal and team goals. In fact, it seems to me that one without the other (boundaries/love) is a recipe for failure.

Oh, by the way, Blackie is now Buddy (we changed his name). He really doesn’t seem to care what we call him as long as he gets food, shelter and love. And I have decided that until he gets adopted, I will not be putting the screens back up.

Thanks for reading this. Have a great weekend.

With a goal to “help the next one in line”, Glen Cavallo, a 30+ year healthcare executive has chosen to share the many lessons he has learned with others. Glen does this by serving as a coach/advisor to leaders at all levels of organizations, as a board member and as he presents inspirational speeches at regional, national, annual and awards meetings.