Cognitive Dissonance

Did you ever think about the lessons you learned later in life that you wish you learned when you were 20 years of age?

I wish I knew then what I know now?

At the end of this, I will tell you the most important lesson I learned.

But for now, here is a list of just some of the important life lessons learned:

Companies like families need to be values-based to succeed.

Doing the right thing is usually the hardest thing to do.

Live like no one else today so you can live like no one else tomorrow.

People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

There are a lot of great people who just lack an opportunity to succeed.

As a Sociology/Psychology major and as someone who has a lifelong interest in why we as people do what we do, I recently read about another phenomenon that helps explain much to me. As you read this, I see myself sometimes in the past.

Ever heard of the term, “Cognitive Dissonance?” The internet describes it as “…a theory in social psychology referring to the mental conflict that occurs when a person’s behaviors and beliefs to not align.”

The best way I can describe it is when there were times when I had a certain belief about something. I dug my heels in deeply because I was certain I was right in my thinking. However, as time progressed, it was more obvious that my thinking was not accurate.

I then had a decision to make. Do I admit my error and take the other side in the argument or debate? Or do I stick to my position even knowing I am wrong. Do I then sometimes dig my hole even deeper knowing the entire time, I am wrong?

As a leader, I often saw this when people could not admit to me they were wrong with a decision they had made or an approach they had taken. They probably felt, as I did at times, a lot of discomfort, shame, or guilt for failing to admit they were wrong. Especially when I called them out on the approach or “story” they were trying to tell me.

In life, I recall so many times when prognosticators would predict the end of the world was coming. I remember one specific time when I was about 7 years of age and I overheard my aunt tell my parents from the other room that there were a bunch of people saying the world would end on that Good Friday (six days away). I did not tell anyone, but I was afraid all week. The world was ending. On Good Friday, the skies darkened as they seem to do on most Good Fridays, in the afternoon, and I was in a panic. I hid in my room and waited. Nothing! That night after dinner, I returned to my room and waited. Nothing still. I fell asleep out of mental exhaustion and woke up the next morning to the beautiful sound of people mowing their lawns, birds singing and my neighbors fighting. (Even that was a good sound to hear that day).

I remember hearing my aunt talk again to my parents a few weeks later. My Dad asked, “What happened? The world didn’t end?” And my aunt said that the prognosticators did not admit they were wrong. They said that God had decided that it wasn’t the right time and the new date is….”

Cognitive dissonance creates shame, guilt, and a feeling of uncomfortableness. Worse of all, in my mind, people ignore the facts. They would rather stick to their wrong position than admit the error in thinking. This mental conflict is the cause of many marital fights/broken marriages, customer service breakdowns, lost friendships, missed opportunities and performance, in business and in a larger scale, wars.

My thoughts and beliefs are different now than when I was twenty. The biggest change? I think I am a better person, father, grandfather, friend, and husband because I am better at saying, “I was wrong”. Or accepting that I made a mistake.

If you are a leader in business, be careful, Cognitive Dissonance is all around you. Regional leaders and branch directors may tell you one thing, but the truth may be something different. Sometimes, it is difficult for them to admit they are wrong. They may continue to “spin” or “hide” the truth. As a leader, it is important to recognize that this occurs and for you to trust but verify.

Three important words and a great approach.

Oh, and the most important lesson for me?

I believe God gave each of us unique gifts. It is up to us to determine and cultivate them. And then use these gifts to help other people. Sort of the secret of life.

Thanks for reading this.

With a goal to “help the next one in line”, Glen Cavallo, a 30+ year healthcare executive has chosen to share the many lessons he has learned with others. Glen does this by serving as a coach/advisor to leaders at all levels of organizations, as a board member and as he presents inspirational speeches at regional, national, annual and awards meetings.