What makes a great leader?

Last winter, I had an 18-hour drive home after visiting and trying to support a loved one through a difficult surgery. I love these long drives. They give me a chance to think and pray without interruptions. Some of my best plans and ideas have come from these long, boring drives. I just love to drive long distances. My father has been gone now about 25 years. I know I have some of his truck driver blood in me.

During this drive from New Jersey to Arkansas, I reflected on leadership. I reflected on all the people I worked with and for and what were they like? What lessons did I learn? Now, after having almost 40 years in the workplace, I had a many bosses and leaders to review! I thought about some of the good ones for a few minutes, but my mind seemed to want to review the ones that were horrible!

Over the next few paragraphs, I hope to share with you what made these leaders so undesirable. What were their common traits? And how, as a direct report and employee, they made me feel. I will wrap it up with the person who I felt taught me the most. How this person’s lessons drove my career and life.

OK, sit back. This is about to get ugly.

Number Three is someone who led by fear. This person knew that you had family and financial responsibilities and used them as leverage to get you to meet their goals. Those that reported to this person would use the following adjectives to describe this leader’s personality: excessively conceited, absorbed in oneself, self-centered. Other terms would include arrogant and selfish. He defined success through one thing and one thing only, money.

I hated my time reporting to this person. I would come home after work and had to lay down, use icepacks on my head and dreaded going to work. The day I left the company, Barb and the kids threw a party to help me celebrate.

Number Two is a leader who was incompetent but got to an extremely high level in the company via being in “the good old boys’ network”. This individual was extremely unethical. I think they tormented people almost intentionally. Because company politics mattered more than performance and because they were so basically insecure (because of incompetence), this person valued loyalty over any other trait. My performance was strong at this company, but the fact that I would not play the game, angered this leader. At the time, I had three small children. My workforce started at 7am and worked till 4pm. So, I was at work by 6:45am every morning working right along with them. When they left at 4pm, I usually worked till 5 or 5:30pm to finish up paperwork and to prepare for the next day. One day, it was my performance review meeting. I walked into this leader’s office and reviewed the goals we both had established in the beginning of the previous year. I showed him that I had met and exceeded every goal. In fact, the CEO of the company had publicly praised my performance at an all staff meeting that very day. So, you would have thought I would have received nothing but praise in the review. Well, if you thought that, you would be wrong. Since I sort of “stole his spotlight”, he was frustrated. He told me that in business, you need to be supportive and loyal and meet all your supervisor’s needs. He proceeded to tell me that he knew I started work at 6:30-6:45am and left around dinner time. But starting tomorrow, I needed to stay at work to be there in case he needed me until he left for the day. And he did not work the hours I did. Since the owner of the company came in around 11am most days and stayed until 9pm or 10pm, he did too. And so, should I.

Are you kidding me, I would have to stay from 5-10pm every night just in case he needed me? Which he never did! But his ego needed to be stroked. He wanted to see my light on in my office and me in my seat until he left each night. Pretty motivational, huh?

Number One and my all-time worse boss was someone who I reported to for only five months. This person was highly acclaimed in the industry. Outside the organization, everyone saw this person as a visionary, who was accomplishing things that no one else could do. But things were not what they seemed to be once I “pulled back the covers”. In a matter of weeks, I witnessed some very disturbing behaviors. I would use the word, paranoia. Other adjectives were unreasonable, obsessively anxious, very suspicious, mistrustful. This person too was egotistical. Had the belief that they were better than everyone else, especially the “little people” who worked for us. I knew I had made a mistake choosing to work there after just a few months at the company Christmas party. I remember introducing Barb to so many people and more than once, they remarked, “We are so glad Glen joined us. He will be our savior”. Yikes!

What were the common traits that all three of these leaders possessed? All of them had huge egos. They had almost no concern for others, especially the hourly workers. They were narcissistic, egomaniacs, self-centered, conceited and often blamed their failures or struggles on anyone but themselves. In each case, they valued loyalty over performance and never shared the success or accolades with the real people who did the real work.

I promised myself that if I ever became a CEO, I would remember what it felt like to work for these leaders. I would remember how de-motivated I was and how little faith and trust I had in them. I remember the poor culture of the company and thus our poor performance, overall. I remember thinking, “the fish stinks from the head down”.

Now on to the person who taught me the complete opposite. This person taught me values that I still use today professionally and personally. Not once did they intentionally sit down and review one of these values with me. But I think I became the leader I did because I observed this leader in action. This leader was consistent. Day in and day out, I saw how this person cared about everyone. And I mean everyone! This individual made many personal sacrifices to help others including me who needed help at any time. This individual valued friendship, organization, timeliness, planning and having a good attitude. They were inspirational and motivating. More than once, I remember this leader telling me that the sky is the limit for me. To go grab my dreams! I watched this person persevere through some very rough times, through sadness and illness. I watched as they molded others around them, believed in God’s principles and tried to be righteous and obedient. I became the leader I became because of this individual.

Over the years, I have read hundreds of leadership books. I have incorporated some incredible lessons from Steven Covey, John Wooden, more recently, Simon Sinek and many others. But this person who dropped out of school at the age of 10 to help support her family, taught me all I really needed to know about being a good leader. This person was Maria (Mary) Marchionne Cavallo, my mother. The leader of our household.

I am now in my sixties and semi-retired. But for 22 years, I observed how she treated others. I watched how she put others first. I noticed how she became the neighborhood seamstress (for free), helping hem kids' pants, take in clothes and fit girls for their prom dresses. I watched how she sacrificed what little she had and gave to me, my siblings, my cousins, and neighbors. I watched how she spent endless hours talking with friends and family who needed a caring ear. I watched how she cried for others’ misfortunes and celebrated their successes. I watched her stay positive all the way until the day she died (at the young age of 59) and will never forget her telling me, “Honey, I am not afraid to die”. Although we were “broke” and were at the lower end of the socioeconomic ladder, she always encouraged me to go for more, to reach for my dreams and to never let anyone stomp on them.

I am the most blessed man you know. They say guys “marry someone like their mother”. Well, in all the things I wrote about my mom, I then married my college sweetheart and for the last 40 years, she picked up where my mom left off. She did the same for me and our children as my mom did for her husband and kids.

In this time when so many people are taking online classes, reading books and listening to podcasts in an effort to become a great leader, I would say that the answers are right there in front of your eyes. Think about how you would want to be treated as an employee and treat others that way. Think about the values you like in leaders, honesty, transparency, inspiring, self-sacrificing and modesty. And follow these. Being a great leader isn’t rocket science, I learned mine from a fourth-grade dropout.

Thanks for reading this.

With a goal to “help the next one in line”, Glen Cavallo, a 30+ year healthcare executive has chosen to share the many lessons he has learned with others. Glen does this by serving as a coach/advisor to leaders at all levels of organizations, as a board member and as he presents inspirational speeches at regional, national, annual and awards meetings.